Implied in the counseling these people receive is the idea that they are called by God to maintain a relationship with their spouse even while he or she is repeatedly destructive toward them. Adultery, they said, was the only biblical grounds for divorce. Do you find yourself easily able to love unconditionally or is it something you need to remind yourself of? We would love it if you joined the conversation and left a comment below.Over the years Christian individuals in emotionally destructive marriages have been counseled to forgive and reconcile with their spouse, reminding him or her of God’s command to forgive and to love unconditionally. It has been a huge journey to unlearn this and delve into the issues that were caused by this false belief. That I had to do things or give things to make others happy. I thought I had to be perfect in order to be loved. I grew up like many others of my generation, believing that love is conditional. Be wise and do not give second or third chances to those who do not deserve them or your love. Unconditional love is d the total acceptance of someone, but it does not mean tolerating abuse, neglect, or other deal-breakers. Let your guard down and let yourself be loved Respect each other and give love to each other freely Do it without aggression, or the need to win or have the last word Melissa Ambrosini calls it CCC - Crystal Clear Communication. Have healthy boundaries in place your partner is not your responsibilityįeel into the love they give and have faith it will continue to growīe open with each other. Giving someone a responsibility to make you happy when you can't do it for yourself is selfish” Then we come together and share our happiness. She should be happy and I should be happy individually. Will Smith agrees “her happiness is not my responsibility. Stop trying to fix your partner or make them happy. It begins with accepting them for who they are the way they talk, the clothes they were, their career choice… So how do you love someone unconditionally I had a choice to make either love them for who they were now or get out. It wasn’t until I realised that they were not going to change, that, that wasn’t good enough for me. I have stayed in the relationship because I have hoped and prayed that they would change. In the past, I have fallen for guys who are good guys but could do with a few tweaks. Learning to love someone for who they are, not what they could be, has been one of the greatest lessons in the history of my relationships. When I release the conditions off myself, then loving someone unconditionally comes easier. Love is not something that needs to be earned. I don’t need to keep persisting or putting in so much effort. When I stop trying so hard, I realise how unhappy I am. It is obviously not healthy and is just something else I am personally working on. It brought up triggering memories of growing up constantly trying to please others because that was how I learnt I would receive love. She discusses her journey from leaving behind authoritarian tiger parenting to embracing a respectful, relational way of raising children. It was all about unconditional love and really caught my attention. It was an interview with Iris Chen who is the author of Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent. I recently was listening to a podcast episode by Simple Families called ‘Be Like Bamboo’. Does anyone else find this? How many times have you caught yourself putting conditions on your partner? And learnt over time, that only leads to heartache. I have a tendency to put conditions on them. Then in my attempt to be ‘loveable’, I have put that back on my boyfriends. I find myself constantly striving in relationships, constantly trying to be ‘loveable’ and keep others happy, despite what I am feeling. When you grow up believing that someone will only love you if… you are the best, do the best, look the best…. Yet that is made difficult when you are someone like me, that carries conditional love trauma and hurt from childhood. It is common knowledge that you must love someone unconditionally in order for the relationship to prosper and be successful.
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